Now, Mark Manson had dropped off my radar. A couple of years ago I applied to be his virtual assistant, but I never heard back, almost certainly because I don’t feel I ever got to grips with marketing my stay at home mum self at the time. In any case he came back on the radar when I was linked to this article back in the summer and for whatever reason, this book came up as a suggested read when I was using my new overdrive app on the kindle a few days ago.
Having just battled with a few anxiety ridden days (yes, yes, I am also tired of everyone writing about and presumably having anxiety, but there’s evidently something to that – as in everyone is dealing with it in various forms and we’re only just talking about it…endlessly apparently if instagram and the rest of the net is anything to go by) anyway this was a prescient title for me.
My favourite quote thus far:
“Decision-making based on emotional intuition, without the aid of reason to keep it in line, pretty much always sucks. You know who bases their entire lives on their emotions? Three year old kids. And dogs. You know what else three year olds and dogs do? Shit on the carpet”
I’m holding tight for the last chapter which I am assured by someone I trust is killer.
It’s my 6th book of 2018. I’m pulling disparate books from all over. Young adult, fiction, non fiction, biography – everything will go in the mix this year.
Way back in the summer when everything was a big mess I had a booking at the house for two students to stay. The whole few weeks they were here were intense due to a combination of both personal circumstances and their presence in the house. I felt that need, as I often do when under pressure, for a treat, something significant, something to reward me for putting up with what was going on. Something to dissuade me from putting my head in the oven, something to distract me. I don’t find clothes or shoes are enough, I want something to add value to my life so if it’s not going to be something to ‘do’ something pretty useful or something that makes something is high up on the list.
When prime day came round 3 kindle fires were ordered and subsequently delivered. One for each of us.
I’d resisted kindles for so long, valuing the feel of books and the excitement of opening a new one. I couldn’t imagine getting pleasure from an ebook. I love to read and life a few years ago had seemed like an endless cycle of amazon deliveries and sorting titles during clear outs to the point that I think it was 2016 I pulled back on the purchases and determined only to order books from the library. I don’t want to bring anything into the house that doesn’t have a use, something that can remain dormant, like a read book.
Anyway, all the titles I can’t get hold of at the library, I can download in that pleasing instant way now and it’s enabled me to read more than ever. For a time I was impulsively downloading offers of the week to my library but all that’s come to a head now I have built up my own digital stack.
This weekend, curled up in bed yesterday morning, Ruby and I downloaded the overdrive app and linked our library accounts to our kindles. I downloaded the library’s ebook copy of ‘Everything Everything’ by Nicola Yoon (which I finished this morning) and also walked the dog to the audiobook version of ‘The Wind up Bird Chronicle” by Haruki Murakami. Ruby opted for an audio version of Harry Potter. I will read more this year than I ever have this way. The app is also on my phone now and I will be spending my lunchtime walk with the dog devouring new titles. I’ve clocked in three titles so far this year in the first week. Each, in its own way helping me sift my situation or thoroughly distracting me. I’ve set my reading challenge on goodreads to 40 books this year and I am looking forward to properly restoring reading to my days.
I haven’t written here very much for a long time because 2017 made me not want to write at all. I’m relieved I wrote so little I felt so misaligned, but it’s the first week of the new year and maybe I can attempt to write more without feeling I will compromise myself. Maybe now I’ve started to make things again I can just write about them without feeling so heavy about everything else going on. I won’t write much, I’ll just see if I can fit it in a bit little and often. A short few words. A new rhythm.
I’ve worked most of the week and the children have been dispatched to school. We’ve all struggled with tiredness and fitting back into the routine, I find mornings the most difficult particularly with George whose day is now incredibly long and who is the most vocal about letting me know how unhappy he is about it.
For whatever reason I’ve unexpectedly found myself without the children for both the Saturday and Sunday stretch this weekend. I feel untethered on these kind of days, not in a free and spacious way, in all honesty it feels like a sad, ill defined flimsiness takes hold. Most days it’s like this I am incredibly lucky to be constantly distracted by friends and family and I can ignore that underlying feeling. If not with friends and family I can fill my time with trail running but I was slightly unprepared today and I’m feeling run down this week. It’s been particularly slow and languid and as the day has worn on I’ve been feeling more and more ill. I’ve tried to relish it, I’ve finally done what I have been hoping for for so long. A real day where I actually did SLOW DOWN. So many people have said it to me, in such a frantic time. A simple day alone. A delicious vegetable soup and a slow cooked stew with roast potatoes, audio books and reading and a walk in the woods with the dog. I made myself a little nest on the sofa and crocheted another bright square for another small person blanket and ate chocolate ice cream watching the crown. I feel like I have so much to do and I don’t know why I chose today to pick this up again. I never know quite how I feel about blogging – how much I want to be about my life and how much I was supposed to be doing this to showcase what I make. I feel like I’ll only work it out if I post.