I haven’t written here very much for a long time because 2017 made me not want to write at all. I’m relieved I wrote so little I felt so misaligned, but it’s the first week of the new year and maybe I can attempt to write more without feeling I will compromise myself. Maybe now I’ve started to make things again I can just write about them without feeling so heavy about everything else going on. I won’t write much, I’ll just see if I can fit it in a bit little and often. A short few words. A new rhythm.
I’ve worked most of the week and the children have been dispatched to school. We’ve all struggled with tiredness and fitting back into the routine, I find mornings the most difficult particularly with George whose day is now incredibly long and who is the most vocal about letting me know how unhappy he is about it.
For whatever reason I’ve unexpectedly found myself without the children for both the Saturday and Sunday stretch this weekend. I feel untethered on these kind of days, not in a free and spacious way, in all honesty it feels like a sad, ill defined flimsiness takes hold. Most days it’s like this I am incredibly lucky to be constantly distracted by friends and family and I can ignore that underlying feeling. If not with friends and family I can fill my time with trail running but I was slightly unprepared today and I’m feeling run down this week. It’s been particularly slow and languid and as the day has worn on I’ve been feeling more and more ill. I’ve tried to relish it, I’ve finally done what I have been hoping for for so long. A real day where I actually did SLOW DOWN. So many people have said it to me, in such a frantic time. A simple day alone. A delicious vegetable soup and a slow cooked stew with roast potatoes, audio books and reading and a walk in the woods with the dog. I made myself a little nest on the sofa and crocheted another bright square for another small person blanket and ate chocolate ice cream watching the crown. I feel like I have so much to do and I don’t know why I chose today to pick this up again. I never know quite how I feel about blogging – how much I want to be about my life and how much I was supposed to be doing this to showcase what I make. I feel like I’ll only work it out if I post.